I Am Done Hiding – Part II

You may tire of reading how I feel that the individual running and participating in family friendly greyhound events who is a lifetime registered sex offender and convicted child molester must step away from the greyhound adoption community and those adoption groups and greyhound vendors who enable this individual should also be boycotted. Some of you do not agree with me but after reading both parts 1 & 2 of the story of a fellow member of our greyhound community written in their own words, a person many of you know and have had involvement with, if you still feel the need to support/condone/embrace a registered lifetime sex offender and convicted child molester as part of the family friendly greyhound community please comment on this blog using your real name and tell the world why such a person should be celebrated in the greyhound community now that you know what far too many in the adoption community have suffered at the hands of child molesters, sex offenders and sexual deviates.

I am now an adult.

I am expected to just get over this.

I am expected to forgive and forget.

Please tell me how. Please.

How do I forget ropes digging into my wrists and being beaten until my legs bled because it was a turn on?

How am I to forget hair being yanked out of my scalp for not doing something right?

How am I to forget shirts shoved in my mouth to shut me up or choked until I passed out, only to wake up to the preacher on top of me?

How am I to forget eight grown men doing what they did for hours on end all night long as I cried and begged them to stop and begging to die?

How do you forget?

Easy.

One whole bottle of Tramadol, one whole bottle of Vicodin, a bottle of Oxycontin, a bottle of Percocet and washing them with two bottles of Jose Cuervo.

But what do you do when God says NO, YOU'RE TO LIVE. Well, that I can answer. You live. And you sit here writing this between tears. You can't forget. 

You look at other people's children, and you cry “That will never be you”. You deal with men not wanting to date you or marry you because you can't give them children.

You give up on life.

You give up.

And you're picked up. Through Christ, I've found my way.

It's not easy but I'm here. I'm here to tell my story. To tell others that they can overcome this too

That doesn't mean forgetting.

So does someone who attacked a child deserve to be forgiven? True, Christ says to forgive. However in our day we have laws and those laws say to protect. Those laws are made to protect others against those who do something so horrible that they are designated a lifelong offender. I'm a victim of someone who should have been. I'm a victim of those of you who look the other way. I'm a victim of those of you who say a person is changed and good. You don't have to live with waking up in the middle of the night screaming because you're petrified someone just woke you up choking you. You don't live with having PTSD. You don't have to live with severe anxiety. No, you don't.

You look the other way and choose to see a monster as being a wonderful person. Good for you.

But I'm supposed to “get over it”? Ok. I will.

Will you take away my memories?

Will you heal my insides and allow me to have my own children?

Will you heal the other scars on my body?

No. You can't.

I'm almost 39 years old. I still wake up screaming to this day. I can't see anything on TV  even remotely like what I endured or I have flashbacks for days on end. I'm there again. I feel the belt. I feel the preacher ripping my insides out. I feel the beating. I feel the pain... the blood…the humiliation. I hear the yelling that it was my fault. I caused this. I provoked this.

Tell me how as a six year old girl, I forced a grown man, a Baptist preacher, to tie me up, beat me until I bled and rape every part of my body until I passed out and continue doing it until he felt he was done? Explain to me how I caused this? What did I ever do?

So tell why are you standing up for someone who harmed innocent children? Are you not interested because it does not involve you? What if it were your child? You wouldn't ignore them, would you?

I am part of your world. I've walked beside many of you, talked to you and had meals with you. I've been taught to be ashamed of my past. To hide it. Never speak of it. It's taken me over thirty years to discover there are those who fight for those of us who are innocent.

I'm done hiding in the shadows. I'm done hiding behind closed doors and closed minds. I'm done with abusers getting away with it or being allowed to lie about it or having others say “he’s okay because it was years ago”.   

It's been over thirty years for me, too and I have to live with this the rest of my life.

I am done hiding behind the curtain of shame. This is me. This is my story. This is my book of life. God helped me overcome this so I can help others, and I can't do that when I still hide.

So I'm standing up. No more shame.

I am Jennifer Boswell.

I am the director of the Alabama Greyhound Rescue And Adoption Center.

I am a survivor.

I'll be here to protect others like me who didn't know where to go, what to do, or how to heal.

I Am Done Hiding – Part I

I have been once again contacted by an individual in the greyhound community who shared their heartbreaking story of childhood sexual assault and has asked me to share it with my readers. This story pulls no punches. It is not easy to read. Both my wife and I cried after reading it. This story shows the trauma, the pain of an abused child and also exactly how a child molester can and does alter the life and rob the innocence of the children they molest.

I Am Done Hiding - Part I

My story and survival begins before I was born.

My biological mother was an alcoholic, RX drug addict, and had a life threatening auto immune disease. Due to a blood transfusion, she contacted Hepatitis B. I know my mother did not want me. I survived medications that were supposed to make her miscarry me. Then I survived a saline abortion. I was due November 28^th, but was born Aug 3^rd.

My mother was in the hospital until I was six years old due to her auto immune disease. Sometimes she was able to come home for a weekend, sometimes not. My grandmother raised me and took care of her mother as well. My great-grandmother was Cherokee and we spoke our language until she passed. Soon after her passing my grandmother met a preacher and they began a common law marriage. This preacher forbid us speaking anything but English, and it was quickly learned that being anything but Caucasian was severely shameful. My hair, once black as night and down to my ankles, was cut short and dyed red. The preacher loved the movie “Annie” and said I looked like her. I cried. I hated that movie. I still do.

My grandmother worked near her house and allowed me to go home to fix a sandwich or watch cartoons rather than stay the full day at her work with her. One particular day, the preacher was home.

I was six years old the first time I learned about sex. I had bruises all over from trying to get away. I still remember hurting so much. My mom was home that weekend. She came to pick me up that evening. When I told her what had happened... well... I would like to tell you that he was arrested. I can't. Instead, I'm here to speak the truth. I was slapped hard enough that I got a black eye. My mother dragged me to my grandmother and the preacher and I was forced to tell them the “lie” I had told her and made to apologize for lying. That was the beginning of eight years of repeated rape by the same preacher. My only friend at the time, a Doberman, once tried to protect me. I was eight and had enough that day of the preacher and yelled at him. He grabbed me by my throat and threw me through the kitchen window. My grandmother witnessed it, but she only focused on my Doberman attacking the preacher. I remember her coming out to the porch and fussing at me that it was my fault for starting it, all the while pulling glass out of me. I still bear those scars on my back and arms. My Doberman was killed the next day by the preacher, and everything got much worse. I would go to school petrified of not knowing if he would be the one picking me up from school. It was nothing uncommon for me to have severe stomach ulcers from stress. I did my best to stay with my grandmother, but he would find reasons that I needed to go back to the house, and I was forced to go.

I never bothered telling my mom about the neighborhood boys. What difference would it have made that three boys pushed me off my bike and dragged me into the woods.

When I was twelve, my biological mother had a friend and insisted that I become her daughter's friend. I was never interested in either of them, but my mother insisted. She insisted one day we go to some family gathering of her friends. That night I found out why I was forced to go. I wasn't worth what my mother sold me for. As she sat getting high and drunk, I was gang raped by eight men. Of course it was all my fault. My mother being a psychiatric nurse was good at mind games. For years, I believed it was my fault.

The first time I went to see a gynecologist he was startled to see the internal (in addition to external) damage I had. I was told I would never be able to conceive or give birth to children. Never. Yet again, this was all my fault. Yet again another reason for my mom to hit me.”

Part II will be posted 6/23/17

The Lasting Scars of Child Molestation

I recently received communication from a member of the greyhound community who chose to share their story of childhood sexual assault and granted me permission to share their words. I am once again humbled and honored to be trusted in such a way.

Greyhounds have been a part of my life for 24 years and the knowledge that an individual who is a lifetime registered sex offender and convicted child molester is embraced/supported/admired in the greyhound community continues to sicken me especially after reading accounts as I am about to share with you, knowing that women, men & children with histories much the same are also part of the greyhound community and attend greyhound or sighthound related events, often having to come face to face with an individual known to them to be a child molester who must register for life as a sex offender due to the severity of the crimes.

If after you finish reading my blog, you are able to utter phrases like - "I don't care, it wasn't me or my child" or "the individual served his time" or "as long as the individual helps greyhounds, it does not matter that they sexually abused children" - I pity you and fail to understand how you show such little regard for children yet profess to be willing to do "anything to protect greyhounds".

These are the words of someone in the greyhound community that is most likely known to many of you. Someone who truly helps the dogs.

"I wanted to comment about your informative posts regarding the sex abuser. When I was a child, I was molested repeatedly by 2 older brothers.

The molestation started when they were teenagers, and continued after they reached the age of 18. With today's openness and awareness of sexual abuse, these 2 molesters, had this molestation happened today, would have likely severed prison time and had to register as sex offenders. But this happened in the 1970's.

My molesters are free to live their lives, while I carry deep, deep scars that will forever be painful. I appreciate you making people aware of this abuser’s history so hopefully parents can take steps to protect their children from him.

The molestation I suffered was painful. But far more painful to me are the decades since, where I see (on Facebook) pictures of my molesters among other family members...all smiling together. It feels like a huge slap in my face that people who know what these two did to me not only accept my molesters, but share photos of them together smiling, and it shows up on my Facebook page. I fear I will always be their victim. So... thank you for sticking up for the victims whose lives are forever scarred by this man.

I recognize that this man has "done his time", but parents need to be aware of him so they can protect their children. I also want to point out that parents need always be on guard, because not all molesters have been caught and identified publicly. My molesters go to church most Sundays and may seem like decent people. They are not. Please watch your children and trust no one. Family members and adults who should be able to he trusted with your children (teachers, priests, other clergy, scout leaders, etc.) are often the perpetrators. If you care to share my message, you have my permission. Please keep my name private however.... Again, thank you for taking a stand to protect children."

When Is Sexual Predator "Kid Friendly"?

Currently in the greyhound adoption community there is a convicted child molester who is required by law to register for life as a sex offender due to the nature and severity of his crimes against two innocent children. The crimes were committed in the state of Wisconsin when this individual was in their mid-to-late 30's.

When arrested the individual who committed these most heinous of acts was in a position of respect and authority employed as a teacher. Anyone who has studied the patterns of child molesters knows they often seek positions of authority and respect in order to groom and lure their victims. Do you know that an individual with the legal requirement of lifetime sex offender registration who now presents themselves as a “greyhound event coordinator” is perceived by some in the greyhound community as "ok" and who protect/embrace/promote the individual claiming “It’s all about the greyhounds”?

According to Wisconsin, an individual is required to register as a sex offender so that the public is furnished with information regarding the convicted sex offender’s whereabouts. Providing this information is a critical step towards encouraging the public to develop constructive plans to prepare themselves and their families.

The following photo was taken at a greyhound event, designated on Facebook as being "kid friendly". Was the family in this picture alerted and/or given information that a convicted child molester who has life time sex offender registration requirements would or could be in attendance thus allowing parents to be alert and to develop constructive plans to prepare themselves and their families about an individual who is known to the event organizers prior to the event?

From this day forward, I will always be in possession of flyers with information on this convicted child molester who has lifetime sex offender registration so that if this individual is at an event that I’m attending where families with minor children and woman are in attendance, I will notify the event organizers and leave it to them as to how they inform those attending the event. I will also inform all woman and families with children that I am familiar with who may be in attendance of this individuals presence by handing them informational flyers so they can take steps towards being alert and shielding themselves, even if that means requesting their registration fees back due to not being told of the risk prior to walking in the door. My intent is not to deny the individual right of way however the protection of any and all children attending family friendly greyhound events and all women who in any capacity would be fearful of being in close proximity to an individual with lifetime sex offender registration is of great importance.

If this individual, this convicted child molester, this lifetime sex offender registrant feels their past, their present and their crimes should remain secret and hidden away then this individual needs to stay away from any and all greyhound related activities where women and children are present.

It is not only or all about our greyhounds. It is also about the women and the children of our greyhound adoption community who deserve to enjoy a greyhound event that they have paid registration to attend without fear or emotional stress, especially when the individual is known to the event organizers or could be the event organizer. 

It should be noted that the individual’s attorneys were informed of this fact in 2016. It is not unusual for the individual to hire attorneys in an attempt to silence and discredit those who present the facts. Also in 2016, the individual’s attorneys were informed that if the individual does not attend any greyhound events where small children are involved, or attending with their parents, there would be no reason to call his criminal history to the attention of others who are unaware of it.

We live in a world where victimization of children is sadly commonplace and such assaults will forever alter the lives of innocent children. It is for that reason that the Congress and state legislatures around the county have implemented reporting laws so that people with small children can be extra cautious around those who have histories as sexual predators.

As the picture obviously shows, children are present at greyhound events.

Is it not time to say enough is enough and unwelcome/unembraced/unsupport a known individual who molested children and has been trying to silence anyone who expresses concern for the welfare and wellbeing of all in our community?