You may tire of reading how
I feel that the individual running and participating in family friendly greyhound
events who is a lifetime registered sex offender and convicted child molester
must step away from the greyhound adoption community and those adoption groups
and greyhound vendors who enable this individual should also be boycotted. Some
of you do not agree with me but after reading both parts 1 & 2 of the story
of a fellow member of our greyhound community written in their own words, a
person many of you know and have had involvement with, if you still feel the
need to support/condone/embrace a registered lifetime sex offender and
convicted child molester as part of the family friendly greyhound community
please comment on this blog using your real name and tell the world why such a
person should be celebrated in the greyhound community now that you know what
far too many in the adoption community have suffered at the hands of child
molesters, sex offenders and sexual deviates.
I am now an adult.
I am expected to just get
over this.
I am expected to forgive
and forget.
Please tell me how. Please.
How do I forget ropes
digging into my wrists and being beaten until my legs bled because it was a
turn on?
How am I to forget hair
being yanked out of my scalp for not doing something right?
How am I to forget shirts
shoved in my mouth to shut me up or choked until I passed out, only to wake up
to the preacher on top of me?
How am I to forget eight
grown men doing what they did for hours on end all night long as I cried and
begged them to stop and begging to die?
How do you forget?
Easy.
One whole bottle of
Tramadol, one whole bottle of Vicodin, a bottle of Oxycontin, a bottle of Percocet
and washing them with two bottles of Jose Cuervo.
But what do you do when God
says NO, YOU'RE TO LIVE. Well, that I can answer. You live. And you sit here
writing this between tears. You can't forget.
You look at other people's
children, and you cry “That will never be you”. You deal with men not wanting
to date you or marry you because you can't give them children.
You give up on life.
You give up.
And you're picked up.
Through Christ, I've found my way.
It's not easy but I'm
here. I'm here to tell my story. To tell others that they can overcome this too
That
doesn't mean forgetting.
So does someone who
attacked a child deserve to be forgiven? True, Christ says to forgive. However
in our day we have laws and those laws say to protect. Those laws are made to
protect others against those who do something so horrible that they are
designated a lifelong offender. I'm a victim of someone who
should have been. I'm a victim of those of you who look the other way. I'm a
victim of those of you who say a person is changed and good. You don't have to
live with waking up in the middle of the night screaming because you're
petrified someone just woke you up choking you. You don't live with having
PTSD. You don't have to live with severe anxiety. No, you don't.
You look the other way and choose
to see a monster as being a wonderful person. Good for you.
But I'm supposed to “get
over it”? Ok. I will.
Will you take away my
memories?
Will you heal my insides
and allow me to have my own children?
Will you heal the other
scars on my body?
No. You can't.
I'm almost 39 years old. I
still wake up screaming to this day. I can't see anything on TV even remotely like what I endured or I have
flashbacks for days on end. I'm there again. I feel the belt. I feel the
preacher ripping my insides out. I feel the beating. I feel the pain... the
blood…the humiliation. I hear the yelling that it was my fault. I caused this.
I provoked this.
Tell me how as a six year
old girl, I forced a grown man, a Baptist preacher, to tie me up, beat me until
I bled and rape every part of my body until I passed out and continue doing it
until he felt he was done? Explain to me how I caused this? What did I ever do?
So tell why are you
standing up for someone who harmed innocent children? Are you not interested
because it does not involve you? What if it were your child? You wouldn't
ignore them, would you?
I am part of your world.
I've walked beside many of you, talked to you and had meals with you. I've been
taught to be ashamed of my past. To hide it. Never speak of it. It's taken me
over thirty years to discover there are those who fight for those of us who are
innocent.
I'm done hiding in the
shadows. I'm done hiding behind closed doors and closed minds. I'm done with
abusers getting away with it or being allowed to lie about it or having others
say “he’s okay because it was years ago”.
It's been over thirty years
for me, too and I have to live with this the rest of my life.
I am done hiding behind the
curtain of shame. This is me. This is my story. This is my book of life. God
helped me overcome this so I can help others, and I can't do that when I still
hide.
So I'm standing up. No more
shame.
I am Jennifer Boswell.
I am the director of the
Alabama Greyhound Rescue And Adoption Center.
I am a survivor.
I'll be here to protect
others like me who didn't know where to go, what to do, or how to heal.